Once you're hit with 3 types of cancer, you know your days are numbered.

You know, when you step into any/most hospital, somehow i always feel that theres this feeling of gloom floating around you know, except the koo teck puat hospital where i went to do my heart scan for NS, technology,facilities and building structures there totally change the mood of the hospital.

But tan tock seng hospital are one of those, old school hospitals you know, along with KK and gleneagles. Been long since i've been to a hospital, was surprised at the extent of privatisation being carried out in the hospital, there was like starbucks, subway delifwornce(as you should pronouce it),7/11.

So we headed up to the ward she was hospitalised in, and wow i almost couldnt recognise her man. The impression of my grandma i have is some plump sized grey hair woman who was always baring a teethless smile whenever we visted, no that surely could not be her. Lying in a bed was frail old woman just well, lying on the bed. My cousin was there and so was the maid.

You know, theres even a deeper sense of gloom within the ward since the lights in the ward are usually half dim. Maybe hospitals should you know, brighten the lights in the ward to give their patients something to look forward to. Might sound stupid but check out how excited 95% of the world gets when there are fireworks in the sky. Wait, theres no link here ~_~

But anyway its real sad to see a relative be in such a painful( though she claims she isnt) state man, it kinda sucks cos i havent really interacted much with her. Fault's on me anyway, whenever i go visiting i always sit down and just stare at the television screen while she sits next to me. I dont know how my cousins/nephew/niece are feeling right now, but i think we all share the same regret. Im not really close to my cousins cos im the only one in this 'age group' but lets hope that we wont carry this regret into our relationships with one another in the far future.

Lets just hope that my grandma will be able to fight on till my cousin's wedding on 10/10/10, at the very least.

Often i have read about how wallets can be used to define a person's character.

As i unpacked the contents from my wallet, my air rifle cert, the broken ice cream sticks, the neoprints and all that, i realised i have got a whole load of memorable junk in my wallet. Perhaps im one of those SNAG, you know sensitive-new-age-guys who treasure their past and keep stuff to remind them of the happy and carefree past, which is so unlike now. I've got my aunt's and uncle's number on a piece of paper which sorta reminded me of the wtf times i had to go through when i had no phone and was out late or alone. The neoprints, gosh those are ancient, dont know what to say. I guess times has changed. Its probably hard to strike up a sustainable conversation with half of them as compared to previous times. Well, we all gotta move on sooner or later right?

Thanks for the wallet guys, though it wasnt really necessary :B

Oh and i just realised today that the insides of my wallet is like mouldy and dirty, dont worry im as pure and clean as you want me to be <:

20mins more and my 18th would be over, just like that. No outings, no meetups, no birthday spirit around me, not that it matters, but perhaps i'll remember this feeling so that 7 years down the road when my birthday occurs on a weekend again i'll know what to expect.

But im accustomed to all these you see, maybe because personally my birthday isnt much of a special day to me as compared to how others feel about their own. I think my parents brought me up in a way that somehow made me like this unknowingly, but hey that saves them a lot of money on the spending of birthday celebrations eh? But of course i dont share my 'sorrow' which others perceive with my friends around me. I celebrate their birthdays with them with as much joy as they are feeling and i cheap in occasionally( small pocket yo) on presents for them.

Whats a birthday for? Googled it a bit and realised most( those who actually sit down and think about it) is for a person to reflect on what he has done within the 1 year he has aged, and to lay out a blueprint for what you wanna do for a year later. And i dont have to plan much, i think 6-7 months of that time will be planned for me by the Singapore Government next year :D Maybe i wanna gain a few kgs, you know, grow a bit fatter, put on some weight, oh wait they're the same thing. Meh who needs to plan when you're ever ready for what the future brings <: Anyway basically a birthday serves the same purpose as any other 1st January XXXX. Just that my birthday lacks those awesome fireworks.

Day was spent doing thermal physics and oscillations and then basketball. I think its probably one of the most wasteful 18th birthdays in Singapore, if not the world lol. Oh check it out its 12mn exactly. Im one day closer to my next birthday yo (Y)